A Note to My Dinner Guests

To My Dinner Guests:

I know you live in a calm and peaceful home. I know you were alarmed when havoc broke out while we were cheerfully discussing family history around the dinner table.

I know the two of you do not ever over stuff a toilet with toilet paper. I know you were surprised to find that not only can our toilets be stuffed with toilet paper, they can also overflow for quite a long period without anyone in the household being aware of such.

I know your dinner conversations usually revolve around traveling to interesting places, home renovations, and orderly schedules. I know you do not generally have someone say, "Is it raining?" while sitting at the dinner table and then walk into the kitchen to find raw sewage dripping down into the kitchen . . . and the hallway . . . and through light fixtures.

I know if you were ever to have a flooding toilet disaster you would sensibly reach for dishpans, buckets, and plastic storage bins. I know you would not reach for pasta pots, large salad bowls, stir fry pans, or mixing bowls.

I know you were probably alarmed to see me do exactly that . . . to catch the mess . . . cascading down . . . into my kitchen.

So, lest you refuse to ever come over again, I must tell you.

My nice beach towels have been laundered on hot with extra detergent. The wood floor has been disinfected. And every one of my pans, pots and large bowls have been thoroughly washed in soapy water and bleach.

You wouldn't let a little thing like this scare you away . . . right??